The Second Time Around…


I was never much of a believer in second chances. Especially in the big stuff like career choices, investment decisions and of course the biggest, Love. I always figured that once you had picked a particular path or made a choice, you were pretty much stuck with it for life. It also did not help that I knew (and still know to date) numerous people who were stuck in careers or relationships they weren’t really happy in. A common factor across all these people was that they had chosen to stick it out, not really believing that second chances existed for them, or that they could be happy should they opt out. I guess something to do with the old saying “Better the devil you know….”

So there I was; stuck in a rut. In a career that didn’t fulfill me at all but paid the bills so I figured what the heck. I was also recovering from the gut wrenching heart break of what I thought was the love of my life till it all fell apart months from the altar. And I had pretty much convinced myself that no one gets a second shot at that kind of love, it just wasn’t feasible. So I made do. I woke up every morning and went through the motions of life without really living. I filled the void of loneliness with meaningless friends, endless banter and the temporary comfort of liquor-induced euphoria. All the while convincing myself that I belonged there, since people didn’t get second chances – at least that was what I thought.

Then one day it was just no longer enough. I couldn’t continue just existing anymore. I couldn’t take the whirlpool of the black hole anymore. But I also had no idea how to get out. So I locked myself in my house for about 4 months to just figure out what I wanted to do. At which point my Second Chance literally walked into my life. Interestingly our lives collided at the exact point that we both desperately needed second chances, but didn’t honestly believe we deserved them. But we both took a risk and decided to take a chance. A second chance.


I can now honestly say that second chances, once you take the risk and bite the bullet, are the best things in life. Why? Well for one, you have learnt from your mistakes the first time round and you apply the lessons. You have also learnt to appreciate what you have because you know what it would feel like if you lost it. You also know what it is like to fail, so you do your darn best to succeed. You have also learnt that no one is perfect, least of all you. You are therefore more giving, more selfless, more listening, more understanding, more compromising. You have learnt how to take your head out of the fantasy clouds and are very realistic in all the decisions you make.

 Alot of people I know are terrified of the leap of faith that a second chance requires; especially in the face of loss or pain from the first time around. But I also now know that those who do take that leap of faith never look back. They move on to third, fourth, fifth chances because they now have the faith to keep rising; no matter how many times they fall. I have learnt that the first step isn’t the hardest to take. It is the second, after you have fallen.

If you’re stuck today, look up. Your second chance is waiting for you.







This past month my pastor in church has been dealing with a topic called Seasons of Life. It’s basically about the different seasons in our life – loneliness, loss, prosperity, sadness, sickness, happiness etc and how to deal with each season. What struck me most is how distinct each season is in our lives – from the feelings evoked in us to how we deal with each to even the people who surround us during each of those seasons. 

When I look back at my life I can actually clearly see the diverse seasons I have been through so far – perhaps one day I shall write my memoirs and share my very colorful past. (That will be a best seller for sure!). Each season has challenged me, shaped me and basically formed the person that I am today. And while I can say that I am a product of my seasons, I am also not under the illusion that any of my personas in each of those seasons was permanent.


Interestingly though, while I was going through each of the seasons, there was a strong tendency to become comfortable and attached to my circumstances. For instance, during one of the lowest seasons of my life, I convinced myself that I would never be happy and that I was destined to be miserable, alone and a complete wreck. This of course led to the season lasting way longer that it probably would have if I had fought my way out instead of draping the misery blanket all around myself!

“Its never that serious!”

Eventually (thankfully) I did get out and transitioned into a totally different season with different experiences and blessings. In retrospect, that misery season turned out to be the greatest teacher of determination and tenacity in my life and has greatly influenced how I handle seasons to date.

I have learnt that nothing is permanent. Life is ever evolving and dynamic. Never get attached to your circumstances because sooner or later, they will change. Know when to let go of a season, do not hang on to it or live in denial. Do not isolate yourself – ask for support and surround yourself with positive, reliable people. Each season has its lessons – learn from the season and move on. Don’t compare your season with someone else’s! Yours and theirs are totally different. There is a divine purpose to each season – God allows you to go through each season.

Most importantly, never define yourself based on your season – your season is temporary; your identity is permanent.

What season are you in today?


Murphy and his law…


Ever have one of those days where anything that can possibly go wrong does? The kind where you ask “Can the day get any worse?” and apparently the universe takes that as a challenge! 

Well I’m having one of those. How do you normally deal with yours? My tested and tried solution is to lock myself in my house, wear sweats and bond with my duvet on the couch. With only Friends and a glass of wine for company. Works everytime!

Today’s gloom season however caught me hard at work in the office with the day far from over and my sure escape plan atleast 6hours away. Which of course got me thinking – why do bad things happen to good people? Like most of us, I have a pretty high opinion of myself and I believe I am a good person. So I’m seated here going like, why me? Why are all these things happening to me? Am I attracting them to me? If you’re like me and have watched The Secret tones of times, you know how the Law of Attraction works. Supposedly you can attract good and bad things alike with just your mind. Sigh.

Well, according to my good friend Google, what I am experiencing today is yet another law – Murphy’s Law. All these Laws and I had to get the short end of the stick.

My only consolation is that thankfully I rarely willow in pity parties and actually writing this is already making me feel better. I might as well take the opportunity to pass some inspiration.

In my short life I have learnt that life is typically, more or less, what you make it. Right now, I can choose exactly how I will react to all these challenges. I can let them take me down into the depths of depression (and 3 seasons of Friends!). Or I can choose to take them in stride and ask myself where the elusive silver lining is. We may not realize it, but we always have a choice. And yes, there is always a silver lining.

One of the most effective ways to always maintain a positive outlook is to have a compass. Something that means the world to you and will always give you perspective. We all have one, you just need to figure out what it is. For me, it is my 7-year old son. That little angel is my rock. At times like these, I just focus on him and think of how I would do anything for him and voila! I’m back.

I hope you can be able to find your compass today and allow it to guide and center you.




Life…And Death.

Early this morning we received the most devastating news at work. Our colleague had tragically passed away early in the morning while undergoing treatment in the hospital. Worse still, she was 6 months pregnant. Honestly speaking, I am still in shock even as I write this. I look around at everyone in a daze, the news not really sinking in yet because I keep waiting to wake up and find it was all a vivid cruel dream.

All around me people keep asking, Why her? She was at the prime of her life, all her dreams ahead of her, full of life and laughter, so why her? Someone even wondered out loud, does God ever make mistakes and allow people to go yet they weren’t done with their time on earth? For me, I am filled with an eerie, bubble-like, calm-before-the-storm ominous stillness. It feels like there is actually a physical obstacle between me and the acceptance that she is really gone. There is also the grim realization that the dam will burst sooner or later and then I will really be ripped apart.

The one thing that struck me today though was incidentally related to a rant I had a couple of days ago on Twitter. I was going on about how people really need to appreciate how short life is and start to live life rather than wasting their time envying other people’s lifestyle choices.

It’s really bizarre how it takes a loss through death to viciously remind you to appreciate what you have – before you lose it. It takes death to remind you to put aside petty differences and reconcile with those alienated from you. It takes the loss of a loved one to propel you to fulfill your life’s desires sooner rather than later. It takes a loss such as this to force you to put your broken life back together and live life again. It takes death.

What I also know is that one week, two weeks, a month or so from now, we will all have forgotten the lesson it has taught us today and will be back to our old ways. Till the next time it visits us.

I choose to be different this time. I choose to learn the lesson and carry it with me every day. I choose to live a life without regrets. I choose to tell my loved ones how much I love them every day. I choose to fulfill my dreams, take that holiday, make new friends, renew old acquaintances, put aside petty differences and all those other things on my (very lengthy) bucket list.

When my time comes I intend to go out smiling. And the people I leave behind will all say “She lived her life to the full!”

R.I.P. Jacinta. The Angels are lucky to have you.