Stolen

I feel the need to point out something that may appear obvious but apparently isn’t according to most people.

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Listen up. People – adult, live human beings with red blood running in their veins cannot be stolen. Belongings can be stolen. Cars can be stolen. Babies can be stolen. Money can be stolen. Even hair (ouch) can be stolen. But get this – human beings cannot be stolen. They can be kidnapped, which means taken against their will in exchange for a ransom demand before their return. Key phrase – against their will.

So when a person in your life one day ups and leaves please do not make excuses for them and say they were stolen. Because live human beings cannot be stolen. They upped and left of their own free will and accord; for whatever reasons that they felt necessary. To put it very simply, they made a decision to leave. Ask yourself a simple question; when stuff is stolen from your home or your car stolen, what do you do? You make a report to the police right? So why don’t you report these “stolen” people to the police as well?

One of the most frustrating things that coaches/therapists/counselors deal with on a daily basis is that the ones who are left behind seemingly get stuck at this point and became fixated on the person(s) who “stole” their loved one. This effectively ensures that they never move forward, refuse to deal with the reasons why the person left and basically stagnate in life leading to a medley of other issues. Meanwhile the person who was “stolen” is enjoying their life (or not) but most importantly, completely oblivious of the turmoil they have left you in. Largely self-inflicted I might add.

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My question to such people usually is; why would you waste your time pining over someone who made an adult decision and executed it? What value does it add to your life to constantly moan about it when it will not change the said decision? Most importantly, why would you give someone so much power over you, just for the satisfaction of painting yourself as the victim?

Bottom line – life is short. Move on. Time spent moaning about it is time taken away from doing other constructive things focused on You. Because guess what? They don’t care. So why do you? In my experience, this is usually just a form of denial to ensure that you never have to face the real reason they left – whether it has to do with you or not. Plus this denial allows you to wallow in self-pity assuring yourself that they will be back, crawling on their hands and knees for forgiveness.

Whether this happens, and whether you take them back or not is really up to you. However, please be aware that no one can steal a person. If they left, it was because they chose to. Wake up and smell the coffee. Deal with it.

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My Testimonial

The testimonial below was originally posted on http://www.newdawnsolutions.net/expanded-testimonial—veronica-waithaka.html  It is the story of how I discovered my true passion and learnt how to use it to fulfill my purpose…

“I have always been the kind of person who could fix anything; well, almost anything. Every new thing I encountered was merely a new challenge for me to overcome and conquer. So it was extremely frustrating for me to wake up one day and just realize that I wasn’t happy with my life. There I was with a great job, a salary most people would kill for and a social life that could rival that of today’s socialites.

However I was miserable. I found myself barely able to drag myself out of bed, struggling to motivate myself at work and always bored out of my mind. The only thing that made me happy was when I got to coach one of my team members.

This got me thinking, what if I could work with people all the time, helping them find their direction and ultimately fulfill their full potential? But how was I going to show people direction when I didn’t really feel like I had any in my own life?

It was at this point that Caroline came into my life. I had never met a life coach in my life till this point and I didn’t think there were any in Kenya; I had only heard of career coaches and spiritual coaches. In our first meeting together, I immediately knew I had found what I was looking for – I wanted to be a coach. I was exuberant and signed up for her Create Your Dream Business (CYDB) program which basically guides people on how to convert their passion into a business.

Since I have a natural passion for working with people, I initially thought it would be an easy journey. However after the very first session, I realized that to become a great coach, I would first have to work on my own skeletons. What I expected to be a very painful experience was made largely bearable by Caroline’s keen guidance combined with just the right mix of tough love, pushing me forward whenever I wanted to quit.

She showed me how to uncover what was making me stuck and how to overcome all the obstacles that were holding me back from my full potential. She taught me how to accept everything about me, appreciating that every feeling in me serves a purpose and how to turn that purpose into power. I was initially skeptical about the true power of my thoughts over me, but with time I came to see just how much I was able to influence overall outcomes by simply changing the way I think.

Most importantly, she showed me how to truly believe in myself and after just two months in her program, I was already applying the principles to launch my own coaching practice – two people signed up for my own coaching program!

What I love about the CYDB program is the fact that it’s extremely practical and not just textbook theory. The principles that Caroline teaches are based on practical situations that you can apply to any business that you dream of doing – and the results are astounding! I am now running a part-time practice with a realistic time line of ultimately taking my coaching practice to full time; something else that she taught me. What I love most about being a life and motivation coach is that I have been able to take what comes naturally to me and turn it into something I do every day, and get paid for it! I was able to discover my true purpose in life and how to make every day the best day of my life.

I owe all this to Caroline and I recommend her without any reservations – you need her.”

You can find Carol at http://www.newdawnsolutions.net/

RollerCoaster Clarity.

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For the past two months or so I feel like my life has been on a roller-coaster of sorts. Turns out that running a coaching practice (part-time) alongside a full time regular job isn’t a piece of cake. Add to that trying to launch a whole new enterprise on transformational leadership and change management plus keeping the boys in my life smiling and I was basically spinning!

The one lesson that I have learnt during this time is this: Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it!

You see, right before this roller-coaster episode of my life, I had been forlornly regarding my life as too slow and not exciting or challenging enough. I did not feel that I was utilizing my skills and passion to their full potential and I was generally feeling that my progress was too slow for my liking.

Now it’s quite true that life is strange and things happen when you least expect them to. Suddenly, in the course of a couple of weeks, I had numerous queries regarding my coaching practice with people requesting for sessions out of the blue. I took this in stride since I love coaching and promptly snapped up the opportunities. However, life was not yet done with me. Two major responsibilities were dumped in my lap, both requiring my time and attention. Suddenly the hours in the day shrunk to non-existent, and I began to feel overwhelmed at the immense pressure. I was literally coming apart at the seams and the balls that I was juggling began to fall to the ground one by one. I felt I had spread myself too thin and in typical cave-woman fashion, I dropped everything, shut down and bolted myself into my cave to figure out what to do.

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The one thing that conflicted me the most was the fact that all these were excellent opportunities – people would kill for them. I kept feeling that if I didn’t grab them now, then they would be gone for good and I would regret it for life. The more I kept feeling like this however, the more I retreated into the safe recesses of my secluded cave, shutting out any and all attempts to help me.

What I kept coming back to again and again, was my vision. My direction for my future. It was like a guiding light in a stormy dark night. You see, that’s the one thing that I am irrefutably grounded on. I know exactly what I want to do in terms of fulfilling my purpose and I more or less know how to do it. So I finally had to ask myself a really tough question; as excellent as these opportunities were, did they fit in with my overall vision? Would they lead me to my vision or away from it? Would I wake up one year from now happy that I had taken them on, or miserable as I was one year ago and feeling like what I did had no meaning?

What some of us may not realize is that too many opportunities are just as bad as none at all. A year ago I would have simply signed on to everything and somehow pulled it off, regardless of where it fitted into my vision – at that time I was wandering around in circles and grabbing onto anything and everything just to remain sane. This time however was different. As a result of being very clear on the direction I was moving in, I actually turned these opportunities down and returned my focus to what really mattered to me and what ultimately gets me out of bed every morning.

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As I went through this process, I realized that numerous bad decisions are made by people daily simply because of a false belief that opportunities are limited. You know, the whole, “once in a lifetime opportunity, grab it now because it will never again be offered to you!” How many of us have bought houses, cars, land, taken a job, gotten into a relationship etc simply because you thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime deal? Only to later realize that something better came along or you just weren’t happy with the decision you made? I know I have been victim a couple of times.

Truth is, that’s just a sales gimmick. Opportunities will always exist – they were there before we were born and they will be there long after we are gone. What makes an opportunity distinctive is timing. If you’re not ready for it, nothing will come out of it no matter how much you try to force it. As a good friend of mine often quips, “sometimes time chooses the person.” Meaning that, when it’s your time, even you will not be able to stop the roller coaster and you will actually enjoy the ride – you will be ready for the ride.

If you’re reading this today and you’re not clear on your vision or your direction, drop me a line. My passion is helping people discover their direction, develop their vision and in so doing, find their future and fulfill their ultimate potential.

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